the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
