how can u be prego again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize