if you like me you must not know who I am
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
