i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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