No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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