oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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