The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
