Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
