; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
