The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
