So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The Olympian is in my bed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
