I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
