i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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