I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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