U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
