just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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