i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
