I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
