my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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