His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
