Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
