Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
