You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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