I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
