Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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