There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this beer tastes like vomit already
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
