Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
