My underwear smells like fireworks.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
