and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
