that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
