She went from zero to smokin in five shots
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
