You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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