don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
