dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize