It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
jump out the window naked night went bad
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
