Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
