He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
