hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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