I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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