I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
