It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
