I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
