I'll bet she douches with gravy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
