Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
