i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
