FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
