I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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