how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
