remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
