Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
