Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
