the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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