I am puke
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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