Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
