Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
