he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
