He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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