Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
