he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
