I didn't shave. On purpose
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
