im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
