trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
