$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
