Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
