your parents love me but you hate me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
