I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
